It's Almost Christmas! (and 2010)

This year has gone so fast, and so many things have happened. God has a wonderful way of turning things around and redeeming them into beauty. Here are some examples ;)

Even though I wasn't supposed to go to Boston for the Creative Arts in Worship DTS, God used the time when I came back to prepare me for the DTS in Texas, and since that was the right place, I felt peace as soon as I walked onto the campus.

Even though I didn't handle my romantic relationships in the best way, God has been gracious and helped me to learn many things through them. I thank God for both of the guys I was dating this past year because they showed me things about life and myself that I wouldn't otherwise know.

Even though I was struggling with cutting and depression when I went into YWAM in Texas, God delivered me from both and used my story in Brazil to bring hope to a 12-year old girl, and used my story in the U.S. to bring encouragement and build faith for the believers around me :)

Even though I was so stuck inside myself and old coping mechanisms, God gently loosened my hold on control and brought me to humility and surrender, and therefore freedom. I really have begun to learn the meaning of "It's only in your will that I am free."

Even though I am still prone to wander, God is always, always faithful! Thank you, Lord!

As Christmas is very close and then the new year, I want to have some things to look toward in this new year, but there is a place for reflection on all God has done in 2009.

I know I haven't written in a while, but I am here again, planning to take another five-month stint in Texas for YWAM School of Evangelism in January. For those of you who pray, I would really appreciate your prayers. I have already been feeling that this will be more of a challenge, more work, more soul-searching, purging, glazing and firing, and that I need to be ready to give my all to this.

That's all for now!
Have a lovely Christmas!!

Back in Arizona

I flew into Arizona on Monday, and my house has never seemed so quiet. That's not necessarily bad, but I am so used to my peers being everywhere. Especially mealtimes are hecka strange. Since I ate with 10 other people for the past 6 weeks and much more than that in the cafeteria for three months, our four-person dinners seem so small.
On the other hand, when I walked into my empty bedroom, it seemed enormous! Everything is extremely different, except for the people. They are mostly the same. It's me that's changed so much. I still enjoy the same things, but they don't drive me the way they did. I miss the worship times we had at YWAM. I think I'll have to learn guitar better in the next seven weeks so I can have some personal worship times.
I want to tell more about Brazil soon, but right now I'm just processing being back with my family--which is wonderful--and figuring out what my priorities are in the next seven weeks.
Oh, I suppose the phrase "the next seven weeks" may not have the same significance for you that it does for me. Hmm. Basically, I feel that God is calling me back to do the second school that YWAM Tyler offers, the School of Evangelism, which is also five months long and starts in January. So if you could be praying for God to make that abundantly clear and to show me what it is that I need to do to cooperate in preparing and fundraising for that, I would so appreciate it.
If you live in Arizona and you're reading this, call me and we'll get together sometime soon! I've missed people so much...don't think that I'm JUST pining for YWAM ;)
God bless everyone who's reading this, and if you want prayer for anything, feel free to shoot me an e-mail or comment at outofthebox.beautiful@gmail.com :)

with peace,
Camila

Outreach...in one post? I don't think so

So I know it's been just about forever since I wrote, otherwise known as almost a month, but I am now back in Texas as of Tuesday morning and I am bursting with everything that God has done and is continuing to do now! :) Wow, that was a long sentence! Were you out of breath reading it? I was. ;)
So, wow...How do I explain my outreach in Brazil when I haven't even completely processed and communicated what happened in my lecture phase? Well, let's just say that God not only used me to bless people in Brazil, but I really fell in love with the country, the people, the culture, and the work that he's doing there. Even when we were told to pray about where God wanted us to go on outreach, my heart was jumping out of my chest for Brazil, and it still is.
Some of the main things that we did were street evangelism and working with all sorts of schools, as well as partnering with both the Recife (a main city in Brazil)base and a church. I was actually a clown for my outreach, so I got to see a lot of kids smile and laugh at our skits. I was also a part of a drama called Silent Movie, which helps people understand the seriousness of battle in spiritual warfare. It was a little too heavy to do for some of the younger audiences, but we got to do it at churches and the beach. (for evangelism)
I will write more later, when I can really gather my thoughts and write cohesively. I have 4 hours 15 minutes sleep last night. ;)

so it's been a week of outreach...

Wow, how is it possible to sum up seven days of intensity and God showing up? It isn't.
But here's an idea.
the YWAM Tyler KK-DTS (aka us) arrived at First United Methodist Church in Abilene last Thursday at about 4. I got to be part of a group that visited the inmates at a prison, and it was an amazing start to the cool things God did. I got to talk to a woman that was really hungry for God, and I prayed for God to show up to her personally. The only thing I really remember that I told her is that we have to get to the end of our ropes before we can hold onto what God has to give. And in tears, she told me that she thought she was there. It was really cool to see God show up in that room, full of women who had made the wrong choices but were being offered the same grace and chance that all of us have.
And that was just Thursday. Friday we went to the mall for a "treasure hunt" which was where we prayed for God to give us specific locations, appearances, etc and then we were to look for them and be open to talking to people ("friendship evangelism"). The things on my list didn't pan out, but God took me into a shoe store where I saw a poster that absolutely broke me. There was a picture of a girl that couldn't have been more than 10. She was in full grown-up makeup and posed with a pout on her girlish lips, and God just broke my heart over the sexualization of young girls. If you read this, please say a quick prayer of protection over these young ones that are being shaped by the media and society.
Saturday I worked at the Palm Street House (knocking out ancient stucco from the bottom of the house), which is a 125 year old house that the church we are working with have been trying to get up and running for 5 years--a place to reach out to community...and we have made so much progress! Sunday we did both services with our drama "The Clincher" (about the Gospel, really) and then...we had a youth time that night that we just hung out with the kids... :)
Monday, work day at the Palm House, which meant hours of painting. Tuesday we cleaned the sanctuary. Wednesday (was that really yesterday?) was another block of hours painting, and then the youth group that night, which we ran.
Today...the Brazil clown team (including me) entertained preschoolers with skits, games, and songs for 45 minutes. It was exhausting, but fun. Okay, mostly ;) I scared myself when I first looked in the mirror at my clown makeup ;).
So I guess that pretty much catches up the week. Wow...and we have a day off tomorrow, which is good :) That'll be awesome. I love YWAM. This has been a great journey.

Breaking, beauty, and bubbles

God is so good. I am so glad He doesn't hesitate to make me uncomfortable to do what He wants to do in my life, even if it does absolutely feel impossible to go through. I would probably never grow. I am so glad that He is breaking me. It is the best thing that could possibly happen.

I'm starting to learn that real beauty is so not from the outside, but shines from what Jesus does on the inside. For beauty to be real, it has to be deeper than looks. I'm so glad. I'd much rather have a beautiful heart anyway.

As for bubbles, I am asking God to pop mine--all the things that I put up as excuses or defenses. I have definitely drawn those around myself in permanence, so it will be a process for them to all be demolished.

So that's just a snapshot of what's going on...God bless and may He do amazing things in your lives as well!

back to simplicity

God is taking me back to the basic truths, back to simplicity, because I've learned them with my head but not my heart...
They seem so elementary that at times I want to discount them as something I'm learning. It's really more like re-learning.
some of them are:
1. I will fail when I do things in my own strength.
2. I don't have to perform.
3. Sometimes all I have to do is be.

These are some of the hardest things to admit or believe for me. God is working in a huge way. Please be praying that as I listen to him and believe what he says about me, there will be a radical change in my heart and life. I want to love him with all of my heart, soul, mind, strength, and life, but I need him to root in my heart TRUTH. These three are just a few examples.

As for the DTS program itself, it's been amazing, painful, and again...exhilarating. Last week was ministry prep week, which meant working on dramas and clown skits, talking about messages and testimonies, bruises and bonding. It was intense. God taught me so much about strength in weakness. He was so strong in my weakness last week, and when I thought that I couldn't go on, he gave me that extra energy and endurance I needed. It builds my faith when he does that, but it also gives me tons of joy. I know that we'll be reaching people's hearts in Brazil, not just their minds, because I have had that experience, and I know that God will show me how to share that in a way that makes sense. Please be praying for wisdom as I prepare my testimony and message for outreach. Thanks!

love in Christ,
Camila

a week of turmoil, finally concluded

Hey all,
this week was definitely pretty ground-shaking. It rocked me to the core of everything I am and made me question if I am even close to qualified for furthering God's Kingdom. Now I know that the answer is no, and if I had answered yes that I would be in a very dangerous place. I am begging God to break me of my pride, and I can tell that he is delighted with my prayer, because he's doing it! I am so grateful. I'm so sick of what I've become, so full of selfishness and self-consciousness. I am so looking forward to what he's going to bring forth as I love him and receive his love. He is so good!
I just found out the costs for Brazil are $2, 200. I would ask you to think and pray about giving towards this outreach (any amount helps) , but even if that's out of the realm of possibility I would appreciate you praying for the time now and the place that God is preparing. He is already doing so much; I can't wait to see what he does next!

just going to give you my address here in case God leads you to give:

YWAM DTS-KK

P.O. Box 3000

Garden Valley, TX 75571-3000

Love in Him,
Camila

time flies so slow...

How is it possible that a week can go that fast? It's already Thursday evening! It's been a good week overall, with God challenging and stretching me. I am on a deadline for getting some finance needs met. I have to get all of my tuition in by the end of July, and I still need $140. I know that God will provide, and I am calling around, but I would appreciate your prayers for that money to come in.
On a much more exciting note, I finally know where I'm going on Outreach!! There are three groups of us, and we're going to three different places. My destination is Brazil, and I am so off-the-charts excited! We're going to be doing a lot of street evangelism, creative expression stuff, soccer camps, teaching classes, and it's going to be AMAZING. I knew it was Brazil when they gave us the three choices to ask God about because my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest! No, really. Ask anyone in my DTS. I am so excited. Thank God for peace!
Whew. I'm learning so much in so little time. God is incredible. Praise him!

~Camila~

So much happens in two weeks...

So it's me again. Last week was amazing, painful, and insane all at the same time. Claude Bonjour came and spoke on the Father heart of God. and it just broke me, in a really good way. I was able to really accept and invite God's love in a real way, and it is already making such a difference. I am getting along with people pretty well, but I can always use more grace, wisdom, and understanding. I also still need $140 for my tuition, and then I'm raising about $1500-$2500 for outreach, so you can be praying for insight on who to call and whatnot. Otherwise, I really need prayer for perfect peace, and for me to keep my heart set on God. I am so excited about what God's going to do in the next few months!!!

Love in Him,
Camila

So I got here to the YWAM Tyler base a week ago this past Friday, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where I'm supposed to be. God has already done so much, and I'm only at the beginning of the second week! We have such lovely worship times, and I have had such a sweet time just to spend with my Jesus. Please be praying for close fellowship with him and the people around me. I am already making good friends, but I need to be aware of not trying to get too close too fast. I miss all of you guys! all of you.


Love in Jesus,
Camila

Looking to God

So tomorrow I head to the YWAM Tyler base, even though it's not in Tyler. I'm excited to see it again, since the last time I was here was June 2008!! :)
And there's people from last year (staff) that I already know, so that's exciting. :)
TOMORROW, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, You're only a day awayyyyyy.
Anyways, I've been staying with a mom and her three kids, two boys (almost 8 and 6) and a little girl who's three. It has been so fun, and I'll miss them, but I'm sure I'll see them again sometime :) Her husband is in Pakistan for two weeks and I can tell that his kids miss him. I hope I'll get to know them better some other time, since I'm only here for two days :)
I love life! Right now is a great time as well. :)

Texas Equals Muggy

What they say about Texas, it's true. I took a shower this afternoon and then my hair didn't dry for like three hours ;)
Granted, I was in an air-conditioned hotel room, but still--weird. Life is just weird sometimes, like me detouring to Boston instead of just going to Tyler like I was supposed to. But I'm in Texas again, and I know it's the right thing. It's that gut feeling, that heart's assurance. Even as I'm scared of being away from my family and friends and boyfriend, I want to do this. But I need to stop trying to do it in my own strength. I am going into this with God holding my hand, and the only who keeps trying to pull away. I want to be there with Him, soaking in His life.
I am going to be okay. I would love prayer for the next months, whoever prays that is reading this.

Love from Texas,
Camila

profoundly strange moments

I like profoundly strange moments. I don’t mean when you feel strange like when you might have eaten potato salad that may or may not give you food poisoning, or when you act strange like the time you may have decided that decidedly odd tights added something to your outfit. I mean when life is strange, and it carries you along because you’re there. I have hated ginger ever since I took capsules of it for motion sickness and at thirteen had a capsule of it dissolve when it was halfway down my throat and temporarily disable my taste buds from the scorch. (Is scorch a noun?). Today I was offered a peanut chew, which sounds sort of interesting to start with. I glanced at the package, saw that it said “ginger” on it, and immediately froze in my willingness. Still, since the person who handed it to me was very sweet and convinced I would like it, I smiled and put it in my pocket for later. About half an hour ago, I got up the nerve to try it. What’s the worst that could happen? I could just lose the function of my taste buds for a while, no big deal. So I took a deep breath and tore the wrapper off of the thing, and looked at it for a moment. It had some sort of powdered stuff on it and had the appearance of a tiny piece of Turkish delight. I love Turkish delight, so I stuck it in my mouth and began chewing. First, I tasted simply peanut, which was fine, and I expected. I tensed up considerably when I first tasted the slight sting of ginger, but I found that as I continued chewing, the sting became a very lovely but unfamiliar pleasure. In fact, I found that I could not only tolerate ginger, I liked it, much more than I ever could have thought.

I do not know why I felt pressed to write that down and capture it of all things, but I suppose moments that show you that your I-will-not-eat-this-on-any-terms-stubbornness can be broken are somewhat significant. But I will not ruin my musings with overanalyzing, if that’s even a word. I am content to look and expect more profoundly strange moments.

Starting again

hey everyone,
it seems like every time I turn around, I am begging for another chance. I am so human, and I fall so easily. This time, leaving Boston, it really wasn't a failure, something I did wrong, it was just that it wasn't the right thing for me at that moment. I'm accepting it as another step in the journey. As for my life right now, I am reading two classics: "The Count of Monte Cristo" and "War and Peace". I'm also reading "Do Hard Things" by Alex and Brett Harrison, and that is challenging me not to settle for the status quo, to not be shackled by low expectations. God's been showing me that freedom, and also the freedom from fear of failure, my former #1 crippler.
I am determined to do big things for His kingdom, things outside my comfort zone. I am committing myself to be more than I think I can be, to reach for the stars and not be scared to fall.

resting in Him,
Camila

P.S. The only reason I'm up so late/early is because I'm transferring an entire four year's worth of e-mails to a new inbox and labeling/deleting. This is not a regular occurrence ;)

A Great Disappointment

hey everyone,
so there's been a pretty big change of plans. I got sent home from YWAM Boston on Tuesday. It just really wasn't a good fit for me. Please be praying as I seek God for wisdom of what to do in the meantime and if He wants me to go to a DTS as soon as March or as distant as September.
It's been tough. I'll keep you updated.

In Him,
Camila

The Milestone of a Week

Hey everyone,
so it's been one full week today that I've been here in Boston with CAWDTS (Creative Arts in Worship Discipleship Training School). It feels much longer. Even after only a little time with the other seventeen students, we're already getting so close. We're going to be an amazing team for God. Also, the speaker this week, Jill Bills, has been talking about hearing God's voice, and I have had such an amazing and transforming dialogue with Him! God is so good.
As for prayers, please pray that I will be willing to live my life with Him, day by day, listening to Him, doing His will, being his child. I am asking especially for grace for myself and for others, and for the ability to slow down and think about what I'm saying and doing. I am praying to learn how to just relax and not have to be the center of attention. That's a tough one for me.
God has done so much in just this one week! Think what He'll do in seven months!! :)

His girl,
Camila

First weekend here

Hey everyone,
it was great to sleep in yesterday, after waking up at 7:30 or earlier the last few days. Yesterday was so cold, and they chose that one to walk us around Boston for a tour of all the historical sites. I'm not saying that it wasn't fun, but it was so cold that we had to stop inside Borders just to get warm for a while! We went back to the base and then most of us went sledding. That was fun, but pretty painful. I mean, you don't always stay on the sled. It was worth it though. Because it was so cold, it was also icy, which makes for a really fast run. Everyone here is nice, and I get along with them. I'm sure it'll be a great seven months.

signing off,
Camila

DTS: first full day!! :D

Hey everyone,
so I got into Boston at about 1:45 yesterday, and the rest of the day was sort of a whirlwind. I met my house leader, Amanda, and unpacked my stuff, and then got driven over to the base to meet everyone...we had dinner and then heard a lot of people's testimonies :)
We actually got back to the house where we were staying pretty late...but it was alright. I didn't sleep wonderfully last night, but I think it'll be better tonight. I actually have to go upstairs in about 5 minutes, but it was a day of mostly learning the guidelines and a basic schedule. I am so stoked about being steeped in God for seven months. I will be a well-brewed pot of godliness by the time he's through with moi :)

signing off as God's arts ambassador,
Camila

Anticipation

Hey everyone,
I'm headed off to Boston tomorrow, and I still can't quite believe I'm really starting this! I am excited, really, but I am still feeling an urgent need for massive prayer waves. I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of public transport, and I'm sure I'll get used to it, but not by tomorrow ;)
My time here with James has been great. It's always hard to leave after a wonderful visit with him and his family. I've also gotten to spend some time with my cousins, which is lovely. I feel so at home at their house. I really don't have a gargantuan amount of news, but I'll be writing a long blog post about tomorrow as soon after it as I can get to my computer :)

Signing off,
Camila

New Haven

hey everyone,
I'm here in New Haven finally. I actually got in closer to 8 than 9 last night, so that was lovely. It was a long day of traveling with two plane trips and a shuttle from the airport, but it was all worth it when I got here. The weather was crisp with an aftertaste of rapture. I love it here. I think I'm going to do just fine with the winter.
So...I'm happy. I'm here with James and his family for a bit before I head off on my very own adventure. God has lots in store for me. There's a lot on my heart and mind regarding Boston and the DTS, but for right now, I'm just going to enjoy the time I have. I'm going to live each moment to its fullest, relax, love where I am, and keep getting closer to God.

Signing off for now,
Camila

A new year

Hey everyone! :)
It really is January 2009, but i find that so hard to believe. I can't comprehend that a week from tomorrow I'll be starting a brand new seven-month adventure that will most likely change my life in a big way! This week is going quickly, drawing close to Friday when I actually leave.
I will be blogging about a lot of crazy stuff in the coming months. Keep checking back, all right?

Never Forget Him,
Camila Joy