Hello fellow sojourners,
I took a two week break between graduating with my bachelor's degree and jumping into my master's program (after three days of trying to push through pure exhaustion and realizing I needed time to recuperate) and it's one of the most life-giving, peaceful things I could have done for myself. I realize, after looking around at a lot of lives, that this hiatus is a privilege, not a right, and I am grateful for every day. I also have been embracing some different patterns. I decided I needed to stop watching high-intensity dramas, at least for a good while, because they were exacerbating my fear and anxiety, and even depression. I knew that these weren't healthy ways to escape, but had resisted making this change for a long time. And why? Because I was afraid of the silence that I knew would be there when I turned off the static of empty entertainment. The noise in my head was sometimes overwhelming, but at least I wasn't hearing all of my own thoughts.
Then I was having some time with Jesus a couple mornings ago and He said to me,
"Silence feels like a threat—to happiness, to peace of mind, to keeping occupied. It feels scary so you've made it your enemy. Would you like to make friends with it again?"
And I realized that I did. When I asked Him how I would be able to do that, He said,
"Same way anyone makes friends...spend time with it. You've become buddies with noise, so it may feel pretty uncomfortable or unnatural at first, but you can learn to savor silence, not only when you are alone but with other people. Not feeling that you have to fill the space will be freeing (a relief, really) for you and make you a more restful, peaceful human being. I think that's what you want, right? ;)"
(and yes, I did feel that he was winking at me, because of course he knows what I want, and how to help me with those struggles)
So I've been spending little bits of time in silence, and felt the noise that was so constant subsiding, both outside of me and somewhat on the inside as well. Even choosing to listen to instrumental music when I'm already feeling like there's a lot going on inside of me emotionally has been really good in choosing to rest in Jesus instead of escaping into noise.
The verse that comes to mind is, "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted in the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" God doesn't just call us to be still for our own sake, although it often ends up being really good for our hearts, but to turn our eyes to Him and to His glory. He is worthy of all of our attention and worship, and when we are focused on Him, we don't have to be afraid.
Resting,
Camila Joy
