First week of School of Worship!

hello Friend of Camila (FOC)! Hope this post finds you all well and happy.
Well, I can't believe it's only Friday of the first week. So much has happened in the way of spiritual growth and revelation and creativity in the past four days that it feels more like two or three weeks! I'm glad that my days are so full; it gives me very little time to be homesick or miss my family. I dearly love them, but most of the time I try to put them out of my mind, only because otherwise it hurts a lot.
On a happier note, School of Worship. God has more than proved and confirmed that I'm supposed to be here. The last week has been much more than incredible. I will try to sum it up somehow, but I probably won't do it justice.

Monday:
We had a worship night with the discipleship training school and God's presence was so thick. There are a lot of worshipers in that group.

Tuesday:
We had a jam session together, all 15 of us, so that the leaders could figure out what cell bands to put us into. That was awesome, and brought a lot of unity.
I started reading the book "God Songs" that we have a book report on, and got really excited about the potential for writing worship songs. What especially stuck out to me was "When you get an idea, WRITE IT DOWN". But I wasn't expecting to use that knowledge so soon...God woke me up at about 2 am and started flowing words, concepts, and ideas through my head. It was as if he was asking me, "Will you be faithful no matter what time it is?" And I'm glad I did wake up. I actually never went back to sleep, and finally came out to the lobby because I felt he had a lot more to talk to me about, so I just never went back to sleep that day. BUT--it was so worth it!

Wednesday:
One of the staff members came in and talked about the significance of the Shofar in the context of the Bible and Jewish history, and actually quoted one of the verses God had put on my heart the night before!!

Thursday:
We had a beautiful morning session and then a powerful afternoon one. And then a party at night! dancing :)

Friday: Well, that's today! Who knows what could happen?

Resting In Grace,
Camila

New month of possibilities

Needless to say, it has been way too long since I've written on here. And unfortunately, not a tremendous lot of exciting things have happened, so there isn't a lot to catch you all up on.
However there is anticipatory news that is very much a dream come true for me.
On September 25th, I head off to a School of Worship in East Texas and serve God with my voice and musical abilities.
I will write more about it later, but I just feel that I should post SOMETHING...it's atrocious that it's been this long.
More later and I hope you all are well! :)

a symphony of extremes

"Our full range of emotions is our palette with which we bring color to our lives."
~Anne Copeland~

I think sometimes I forget this in the squish and pull and demands of life. Contrary to what people think, ignoring the demands don't exclude them from life, they just make them a curled up tickley thing at the back of your brain that wakes up once in a while and makes you feel quite uncomfortable (I'm not saying you personally have this problem, but I get tired of always saying "me" and "I"). But really, when I ignore the dreams, the desires, the feelings, and decide to just live this lukewarm life, I end up only living vicariously, living through someone else's eyes. What a sad fall from the precipice of desire. Just because it's a precipice, and dangerous in places, doesn't mean I should hide in a cave. It means I should learn to navigate it safely, to procure the proper tools, to find the right one to pull me up safely and cradle me against his chest. But running away quite cheats me, and the people that love me most.
I want to find that full range again and learn how to navigate the precipice. I want to do things in my life, to try, and to try my best. I want to learn better how to live, not just survive. I thought about this question the other day.
What would you do if you were going to die tomorrow? Because I could, not to be morbid, and I don't want people to say that all I did on my last day was surf facebook or do laundry or clean my room, although those are perfectly acceptable things in the balance of others. At the end of every day, I want to be able to say that I loved extravagantly, that I forgave generously, that I gave of myself with all the passion that I used to hold back. I want to be fully captured by the One who rescued me, and continues to. I need his colors in my life, the beautiful and full, rich colors. Let me offer a question to those who find this ringing true with them:
If you really were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today? If it's something you can do, why not do it? What's holding you back? That's my bit for the day. Feel free to comment on this; I'm interested in your thoughts. :)

Staying up late can have benefits.

I was thinking about how to simplify my life rather late at night when inspiration struck. I have it here in the form of an acronym because I wanted to chew over the concepts, and what better way to do that than writing it?

Stay focused on one thing at a time.

Indulge in interests—but schedule them in.

Minimize time wasted.

Prioritize activities and people.

Less stuff.

Imagine the ideal in your life--and then work toward it.

Feel free to say no.

You can’t do it alone.

I have a feeling that following this will help me a lot in balancing out my life, but I definitely can't do it without God's help. So this is one of the things I'm going to be working toward. One of those "interests" I'm scheduling in is a lot more writing time. The way to improve in writing is to write--and to write a lot. So this is a thrown together combination plate of what I've been thinking about recently. Maybe I'll give you all a more coherent post one of these days ;)

HELLO!

I sort of feel like I'm resurrecting this blog from the funk it's been in for 2 months, along with its writer. That doesn't mean there weren't some amazing times, but it has been an odd stage since I got back from Texas and the ministry just sort of stopped. I am going to try out a bible study/hangout group with several high school girls I know, so hopefully that'll be a good way to pour in some of the knowledge and wisdom and also hear their hearts as well. :)
Right now my life is pretty low-key, although my relationship with God is great. I feel very close to him, connected in honesty and truth. It's a good place to be.
I am also looking for a job, having applied at Frys supermarket and Starbucks, and hoping one of those works out :)
I have a lot of scattered thoughts right now, but I just thought I should get back on the blogtrain and this has got me going again, so that's a start. :)
Love you all and hope this post finds you well in both body and spirit!

joyfully,
Camila

I know...it's been ages

It's shameful...I haven't blogged since March 12th. I mean to remedy that right now, no fear.
To the people who actually read this, there is way too much in my heart and mind right now to fit in a blog post. but...I'll give it a shot. I owe you all some sort of news ;)

I am semi-overwhelmed by the myriad of emotions right now, but the thing that stands out above all the feelings is that I am not the same person that I was a year ago. That in itself is such an incredible encouragement. So even thought there's people I knew for ten months that I may never see again on this side of Heaven, my roots are in Jesus. I just have this feeling that there's so much more to come. God has great plans for me. I've been dreaming with him.

One of the things that came out of Haiti was my reawakening passion for both Teaching and Worship. Interesting combination, I know. So I'm looking at the two programs that correspond with these. There's a nine-month school with Youth With a Mission called Teachers for the Nations that I'm praying about, maybe as early as this August.

Oy, how do I sum up any of what I've experienced? I'm going to have to do this in sections.

Before you know it, it's here.

I have so missed blogging, but I have had a hard time coming up with the words I wanted.

Well, I'm past due to write SOMETHING, even if it's not brilliant or even very good at making sense.

It's March, which is hard to believe. It doesn't feel like it's been almost three months since I started my School of Evangelism, but it has. And it has been amazing getting to know the new Discipleship Training Schools that started the same time. There are some of the most crazy and fun people in them.

As for outreach, praise the Lord! I have all the money I need and more. I have enough that I can afford to help out some people on my team who are still struggling; He is so faithful!

I feel so uber-scattered right now, but I am going to write more soon. Thanks for reading, even my all over the place thoughts.

~me

A New Stage

I can't believe it's already mid-February, and a new part of my SOE (School of Evangelism) is starting! We had a really good week of talking about offenses and forgiveness, and I feel that there's a wall between me and God that's coming down in a big way. So that's been great.

On the other hand, I've been more sore this week and the last than I have in a very long time, so if you could be praying for that, that would be awesome.

Next week is Missions Prep week, which means that we practice all the stuff that we're going to be doing in Haiti, and also when we start meeting as a whole team and praying and worshipping :)

So I'm praying that I have energy and motivation and that I'm especially alert to God and ready to do battle, because the Enemy of our souls will be trying to bring the house down around us. Praise God that He has already conquered and that all we have to do is stand in that victory. That's such great news :)

However, I am still battling a lot of lies and wrong thinking that I have carried around for years, and it's so easy to just live in them and not fight, not realize what I am doing to myself and to the people around me. I want to grit my teeth and wade into the mess so that I can come out better on the other side, by the grace of God. I am full of expectation and expectancy that God is going to be glorified in this area of my life! :)

An escaped analogy

analogies are slippery;

thought of one this morning

and it was gone by afternoon

turned to pick up common sense

and it disappeared

squeezed out by reality

the ketchup of life.

I prefer tomatoes.

Cherry, preferably.

Much in my heart; hard to express

I know that's kind of a mouthful for a blogpost title, but that's really why I haven't written in a while. My School of Evangelism has been challenging and changing me--well, God has been, ultimately. But there are teachers and teachings that definitely make me think and reason through things I might never think about. The other thing that's blowing my mind is how God will start talking to me about something and then it shows up in class the next day, and that's not uncommon. I love how God keeps connecting concepts to real life, because I don't really know something until He shows he how to apply it. :)

For example, I am learning that when I do the "silly little things" God asks me to do, it builds our relationship so much more than when I do the things I know I'm supposed to do. In other words, when he says "Go this way instead of that way" or "eat green peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers with Italian dressing", I do it because it blesses him that I care what he thinks, even if it seems silly. And then, it turns out not to be silly at all, because all of those steps lead me to deep relationship and intimacy and that brings out the best in me and then helps bring out the best in others around me as I live the way God intended...

Wow. It just awes me how God works!

That's all for now. More soon :)

Incomprehensible Changes

there's a part from "The Host" that perfectly describes how I'm feeling.(slightly changed to fit my life with God.

“But when He touched me, it was deeper and slower than the wildfire, like the flow of molten rock far beneath the surface of the earth. Too deep to feel the heat of it, but it moved inexorably.” ~The Host by Stephanie Meyer~

It seems like that's what's going on with me. I don't always feel things happen so well, but there's something deep God's doing in me. And no matter how loud everything else gets, I know He's there and I know He's changing things.

That describes my week, and it was intense.

Wasting Time

I have been wanting to write a post of processing, not only the things that I have been learning in my School of Evangelism, but about a book I just finished reading. It's called "The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath" and it's by Mark Buchanan. There were a lot of good thoughts in it and one of the things that impacted me most was the difference between "chronos" and "kairos", basically the time as a slaver and a taskmaster and the kind of time you actually notice and enjoy and experience life.

On the other side of that, God has been convicting me about wasting time. There's a lot of difference between savoring time and squandering it. And along with receiving time as a gift, there are always certain ways to use it BEST. He showed me the other day something that I found really interesting. He told me that if I do things on time or even ahead of time, it opens up the way and opportunity for Him to use me in other's lives in ways that I don't expect. I'll write more on this when I've processed it more.

As for prayer requests, I would love to have some extra energy and inspiration for writing.

It would also be great if I could stop drinking coffee because I think it is weakening my immune system immensely. So pray that process would go smoothly. Thanks! God Bless!

God is Faithful

Psalm 20. Go read it; it's amazing. :)

my version (to make it relevant to me as a woman)

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion.

May he remember all your all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings.

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.

Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers her from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.

O Lord, save your princess! Answer us when we call!

I would love it if you guys would pray this over me. :)

Have a lovely Wednesday night.

Beauty and the Mess

The title of this post is also the name of one of my favorite Nickel Creek songs. It's just the way life is; the good with the bad, the bizarre with the normal, the beauty with the mess. That's one of the things that God's been teaching me, to take everything together, in stride, in peace. That doesn't mean that I let whatever I want into my life, but when stuff doesn't go the way I expect it to, He wants me to keep breathing, to let Him work through the problems or strangeness.

What an incredible God we have. He designed things to be perfect, and even though we mess a lot up, He's able to bring such unity and redemption and beauty to life.

I just want to learn how to keep abiding. If I could tattoo my soul, it would be the word ABIDE in large bold letters and probably in another language so it looks cool.

And these days have been chilly, but beautiful. :)

There's a TIme for Everything

My mind is so full that it's hard to even pull out solitary words. It's a mush of thoughts and ideas and concepts and new understandings. However, because I am a verbal processor, I will try to make sense of it all.

One of the things God has been showing me in different ways is the beauty and importance of balance in my life. He's been telling me that there's a time for everything I need to do in a day, and he doesn't put things in order to take the fun out of life, but to make it more meaningful. I'm still learning this in a sort of trial-and-error way.

Another thought I've been pondering is where my treasure really is, where my heart goes to be filled, what I value most. I want the answer to be "God" every time, but it isn't. There are all sorts of things that I place a high value on, activities and passions that vie for my attention. Writing, singing, socializing, and it goes on. I want to learn what it really means to love God, not just to be loved by Him.

So that's all for today, because I am fairly exhausted. Oh, and please pray against headaches. I'm so sick of them. Goodnight.

Beautiful Monday

I don't know if I've ever written about this, but I generally love Mondays, and this was a Beautiful Monday for various reasons. First of all, it was significantly warmer than it was this past week and weekend, and I therefore enjoyed being outside much more. Also after the afternoon class, I got to have a lovely, long, and much-needed nap. I ended up cozily in my sleeping bag until dinner :)

Second, there was the first small group meeting, and it was really good to discuss and hear from each other what we're processing. As some of you know, I am always thinking and my mind never stops--so it was really wonderful to get some of that out :)

Thirdly, God was just...around. And telling me stuff.

Tomorrow can be amazing too.

First Friday

I can't believe it's already Friday of the first week of SOE. I already know it's going to go so fast. I love coming back to see friends but this program is so much more than that. It's deeper, somehow going to be vital to the rest of my life. It's definitely more than a feeling, but I can't put my finger on it. But even in the last week, God has been so close and personal to me. I can honestly say that I have invited Him more fully into my life, to be present and active in what I choose and who I talk to, etc.

Oh, and it was 19 degrees F last time I checked.

crazy, huh?

Halfway through the first week

Today was definitely pretty full. I can understand why they said that SOE would be busier. That's why I love having evenings mostly free after I come back from cafeteria cleanup.

Once I get used to being challenged intellectually every day--which I figure will take about a month--I think I'll start to really enjoy it.

Please pray for wisdom, strength, peace, and the ability to think clearly about what I believe and how to love God and other people.

I know this one's short, but I'm still figuring out how to get all the thoughts in my head out into articulate words. So bear with me, and please do pray.

In Texas Again!

I got to Texas yesterday at about 1:10 and then got a ride to the base. The first thing I noticed when I stepped out of the airport was that it was VERY cold. Apparently we're going to hit 17 degrees sometime this week at night, which is the coldest it's gotten in 14 years in East Texas!
That's pretty crazy, huh?
Okay so there were definitely some more significant things than the weather, but really, when you live in Arizona (the warm southerny part) your body is kind of in shock when it's that cold.
Anyways, the first day of Lecture Phase was AMAZING, incredible, and all that jazz. But I can't give you all those adjectives and then walk away. So...let me give you a brief rundown.
I skipped breakfast for need of sleep, and then went to base prayer.
Then we had a morning classtime as an SOE (School of Evangelism) which was really more of an overview of what Kim's priorities were and talking about our class verse, and then in the afternoon we had our first speaker, and he definitely challenged me in an awesome way. I'll write more about this when I understand more of what he's talking about. But the basic topic is a narrow road vs. a wide one, which is interesting because this is really similar to what one of our guys talked about in Brazil. But yeah, and then after that God called me away for a few hours to just be with him, listen, and write down what he said. And that was an incredible time.
God is definitely after all of my heart this year. 2010 is going to be, in a word, fabulous.

signing off for now. hope all of you are doing well. feel free to comment or e-mail me :)

It's 2010!!

So I was thinking about resolutions last night, and I decided I wanted to make ones that were practical and that I could actually fulfill, so here's my list:

1. Pack lighter.
2. Spend less time online and more face time
3. Fall back in love with God.
4. Drink more water
5. Write A LOT.
6. Be PASSIONATE about learning new things and life in general
7. LOVE MORE.

So that's my two cents for the new year, and I'm always thinking about something, so I'll post something more soon.
God bless you all!